I just want something to do. Something I can do every day. When I started creating content on the internet, I was really into the idea of a daily blog, even though it was inane bullshit. Stuff like, “I’m working on the same project that I was working on yesterday and the day before, lawl.”
This was usually paired with something much more impressive that I would do every day as well. A daily sketch. A daily comic. A daily motherfucking Flash animation. I hustled. I had three projects at any given time. And while it was, in some ways, fulfilling, it wasn’t sustainable. I didn’t work back then. Not much, anyway. I had lofty dreams. Dreams that died young.
Now I’m old and bitter. I ducked out of online spaces for a while. The internet got gross. It is gross. Content isn’t about what you want to make but what they want to read and that wore me out and broke me down. I went from passionately building my own personal dream worlds to mindlessly churning out gag comics about current events to curling up under my bed and deleting everything multiple times in the span of a decade.
Then the following decade, I completed the whole cycle again.
Will this particular foray stick? Probably not. Right now I’m kind of venting, and it’s giving me something to write about, but tomorrow? A week from now? I’ll just be saying things like, “I’m working on the same project that I was working on yesterday and the lifetime before, lawl.” Boring shit.
But. I don’t know. I just… need to produce something.
I like updating daily. It gives me a reason to wake up in the morning. Maybe this time around I can accept that no one will read it. Hell, Substack doesn’t even try to help show off your stuff. That’s kind of perfect. I don’t expect anyone to read it. So when no one has five years from now, that’ll only be what was expected all along.